Saturday, April 2, 2016

44 and still going....strong? Self reflection.

Well I turned 44 last month and I'm still going forward and trying to be the healthiest version of me I can.  Life is a really busy thing and if you don't stop to take a look around every once in a while, it will pass you by.  I know it is an old saying, but hey - by some people's standards, I'm old.

Over the past few years I've done a decent amount of strength training, cardio training, workout videos/programs and hell, I even joined a gym for a few months.  Where am I now?  I'm still sitting at about 175lbs (which is about 25lbs lower than when I started).  I'm stronger, but my body feels a bit beat up in all honesty.  Also - at my physical my Dr told me he noticed I have a heart murmur.  Well now, how about that?  Not something I need to address now, but obviously something to keep an eye on.  Shock like that can overwhelm you if you let it.  In this crazy go go go world, it can make you stop and pause too.  Which is what I'm starting to do.

When I started exercising it was to lose weight and look good.  I thought that if I looked good I would feel good too.  To a certain extent that is true.  The little bit of vanity in me does recognize the hard earned muscle I've gained thus far through this journey.  I've never "felt great" though.  I wanted to be able to run around and chase my kids.  Not be limited by anything in my body or by my body's limitations and at times - this journey has allowed me to do just that.  Unfortunately though, it hasn't been consistent enough for me, despite what I consider pretty consistent efforts.  In short, my "strength training" has made me feel broken down.  Movement has now taken priority for me over strength.  What good is being able to bench press 200lbs if your shoulder hurts so much you can't pick your own kids up to hug them?  What good is being able to squat or deadlift 225lbs if when it comes time to chase your kids and play "sea monster" (Dad always seems to be the sea monster) and your knees won't allow it?  To me - it means nothing.  To me, although I can't go back in time and change anything, I've messed up.  I've sat here and trained for a few years doing the wrong things for me and the life I want to live.

The past few months I've shifted my focus in my training.  I've stopped lifting weights.  I've stopped putting that burden on my body and my joints.  I have instead utilized body weight training.  It challenges me not just from a strength perspective, but from a flexibility and mobility perspective.  More than I was ever challenged lifting weights.  Yeah you could say, well if you weren't challenged enough doing weights then you weren't using enough weight.  Wrong mentality here.  WAY wrong.  I'm not trying to "man up".  This isn't a pissing contest.  This is life.  This is MY life.

Most recently a friend introduced me to a Yoga series they had started doing from YouTube and I've kind of made up a schedule of 3 days of strength training (sometimes 4) and 2 to 3 days of Yoga per week.  Although I've been doing the body weight training for a few months here, the Yoga has just been in the last month.  Trying to stick with a physical therapist point of view on things.  Stretch and Strengthen.  It is helping.  It is helping me not only physically by allowing me to continue to strengthen my body, but it is helping me heal it as well.  Today I was actually able to get into child's pose and sit with my butt on my heals in that position.  Something I haven't been able to do in months.  It is also giving me things to think about.  With the continued focus of "do what you feel is right for YOU and YOUR body".  In other words, don't just jump on the next workout routine because it is the newest, latest thing.  Learn about YOU.  Learn what you like and what you don't like.  What are you hoping to accomplish?  Is it that elusive 6 pack that you see all these folks have in the fitness videos?  If so - yeah, the workouts can help get you there but you better shift your focus to nutrition.  Or is it something else that you are chasing?  Did you always dream of running and maybe running a marathon, well good for you!  Figure out what is going to get you there.  Chances are that new strength workout routine that just came out isn't going to get you there, so why buy it?  Research how others have gotten there and create a plan and go full steam ahead.  MAKE the time to step back every once in a while and look around.  If you think there is a better way to do something for YOU, then don't be afraid to do it.  Have the courage to do what you feel is best for you.

For the first time in a few years I can honestly say I'm not chasing a 6 pack.  I am no longer chasing an image of what others view as being "healthy" or even what I viewed as healthy.  My views have changed.  My mindset has changed.  My goals have changed.  My desire to succeed and the reason why I get up and do this every single day though has not.  This family, although I can be a frigin bear to be around, is what I live for.  I want to have the most amazing experiences ever with each and every one of them.  I want to inspire them to find better versions of themselves and desire to be even better than they ever dreamed possible.  Regardless of if I may agree with all their choices, I want them to be the best they can be and most importantly - happy while doing it.  For that, I continue digging deeper, pealing back the layers of me in an effort to make me better.  At the same time, challenging those I love to be a better version of themselves.

Until next time...

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